Tomorrow is the day we find out...I am so scared...I can't remember ever having fear like this...I have done things in the past couple of months I never thought I would be able to do (ex jabbing a needle in my stomache every night, being put to sleep, having a needle jammed into my ovaries, bloodwork every other day....). I now feel like I can do anything, because nothing will ever be as hard as what I have already been through. But tomorrow will be the hardest day of the whole cycle, especially since I have been feeling like it will be unsuccessful. I've been having cramping, some spotting here and there, and just an all around PMS type feeling...and I fear that can't be good. I want this to have worked...I need this to work. I haven't figured out what we will do if we get bad news tomorrow. How will I pick myself up off the ground and go on with my life? How will I exist knowing they're not in there anymore? I am trying so hard to give it over to God...to let him bear my burdens..but it's so hard... I yearn to see my child in my husbands arms...to see how happy he will be...I want it so bad I can see it in my mind...I see a changed man, a man with renewed faith in our God, and a renewed faith in the world..a man who has been through so much that he deserves this more than anyone...I just pray that the big man upstairs will give him this one, if not for me, definitely for him...He's the greatest man I have ever known.... Saturday night I dreamt of a sweet baby boy...I can still feel the way I felt in the dream, I can see him wearing the little hospital hat and wrapped in the hospital blanket... and I love this child... I wonder if God was showing me my baby boy? Even if it's not this cycle, was God showing me I would be a mother one day?
“Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and you shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you: For every one that asks receives; and he that seeks finds; and to him that knocks it shall be opened.”
– Matthew 7:7-8
“And this is the confidence that we have in him, that, if we ask any thing according to his will, he hears us: And if we know that he hear us, whatsoever we ask, we know that we have the petitions that we desired of him.”
– 1 John 5:14-15
“Cast your burden upon the LORD, and he shall sustain you: he shall never suffer the righteous to be moved.” – Psalms 55:22
Dear Lord, I stand in the gap for my friend tonight and ask, in all authority that I have been given as your child, to request that her desires of her heart be brought to her tomorrow. I pray Lord that her blessing will be revealed to her tomorrow and even though its easy to doubt, You Lord are the only hope we have. Please sustain her tonight and tomorrow as she waits for results, and protect her babies within her to grow and thrive. I ask in accordinace to Your will for good things for this family and petition you on behalf of them that You shall grant them children. In Jesus' name we pray, Amen!
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ReplyDelete1 Samuel 1: 1 There was a certain man from Rama-thaim, Elkanah by name, a Zuphite from the hill country of Ephraim. He was the son of Jeroham, son of Elihu, son of Tohu, son of Zuph, an Ephraimite. 2 He had two wives, one named Hannah, the other Peninnah; Peninnah had children, but Hannah was childless. 3 This man regularly went on pilgrimage from his city to worship the LORD of hosts and to sacrifice to him at Shiloh, where the two sons of Eli, Hophni and Phinehas, were ministering as priests of the LORD. 4 When the day came for Elkanah to offer sacrifice, he used to give a portion each to his wife Peninnah and to all her sons and daughters, 5 but a double portion to Hannah because he loved her, though the LORD had made her barren. 6 Her rival, to upset her, turned it into a constant reproach to her that the LORD had left her barren. 7 This went on year after year; each time they made their pilgrimage to the sanctuary of the LORD, Peninnah would approach her, and Hannah would weep and refuse to eat. 8 Her husband Elkanah used to ask her: "Hannah, why do you weep, and why do you refuse to eat? Why do you grieve? Am I not more to you than ten sons?" 9 Hannah rose after one such meal at Shiloh, and presented herself before the LORD; at the time, Eli the priest was sitting on a chair near the doorpost of the LORD'S temple. 10 In her bitterness she prayed to the LORD, weeping copiously, 11 and she made a vow, promising: "O LORD of hosts, if you look with pity on the misery of your handmaid, if you remember me and do not forget me, if you give your handmaid a male child, I will give him to the LORD for as long as he lives; neither wine nor liquor shall he drink, and no razor shall ever touch his head." 12 As she remained long at prayer before the LORD, Eli watched her mouth, 13 for Hannah was praying silently; though her lips were moving, her voice could not be heard. Eli, thinking her drunk, 14 said to her, "How long will you make a drunken show of yourself? Sober up from your wine!" 15 "It isn't that, my lord," Hannah answered. "I am an unhappy woman. I have had neither wine nor liquor; I was only pouring out my troubles to the LORD. 16 Do not think your handmaid a ne'er-do-well; my prayer has been prompted by my deep sorrow and misery." 17 Eli said, "Go in peace, and may the God of Israel grant you what you have asked of him." 18 She replied, "Think kindly of your maidservant," and left. She went to her quarters, ate and drank with her husband, and no longer appeared downcast. 19 Early the next morning they worshiped before the LORD, and then returned to their home in Ramah. When Elkanah had relations with his wife Hannah, the LORD remembered her. 20 She conceived, and at the end of her term bore a son whom she called Samuel, since she had asked the LORD for him. 21 The next time her husband Elkanah was going up with the rest of his household to offer the customary sacrifice to the LORD and to fulfill his vows, 22 Hannah did not go, explaining to her husband, "Once the child is weaned, I will take him to appear before the LORD and to remain there forever; I will offer him as a perpetual nazirite." 23 Her husband Elkanah answered her: "Do what you think best; wait until you have weaned him. Only, may the LORD bring your resolve to fulfillment!" And so she remained at home and nursed her son until she had weaned him. 24 Once he was weaned, she brought him up with her, along with a three-year-old bull, an ephah of flour, and a skin of wine, and presented him at the temple of the LORD in Shiloh. 25 After the boy's father had sacrificed the young bull, Hannah, his mother, approached Eli 26 and said: "Pardon, my lord! As you live my lord, I am the woman who stood near you here, praying to the LORD. 27 I prayed for this child, and the LORD granted my request. 28 Now I, in turn, give him to the LORD; as long as he lives, he shall be dedicated to the LORD."
ReplyDeleteoh jess I am praying so hard for you and matt. You BOTH deserve this baby. I am sending up many prayers tonight for you!!!!!! Please let me know as soon as you can!
ReplyDeleteGood luck today, sweetie.
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