Wednesday, January 11, 2012
Sad, Sad, Sad
I hoped that I could start 2012 with a new outlook...I hoped that my broken heart would somehow, miracously, mend itself. But it hasn't..We are now 11 days into the new year...And I'm finding it harder and harder to put a smile on my face. Don't get me wrong..I am SO thankful for my health, my husbands health, and my amazing family. But I am just stuck...I always had a plan..I would be married by 23, which I was...and a mother by 25..Obviously, God and I didn't have the same plan..Instead, I am an almost 26 year old, motherless woman..Stuck because I can't afford another IVF...and even if I could, I'm not sure if I could put my body and mind through another..And with my husband's medical history, we can't afford to put our money into an adoption agency, because we have been told that cancer survivors rarely get placed with newborn babies. So, there's nothing I can do, unless someone just decides, "Hey, I want you to raise my baby." and it stinks... All of my friends are mothers, or almost mothers...bonding with each other..and I'm just here alone..I don't fit in with them, I don't have diapers and breast feeding or anything to talk about with them...I don't feel like I have a place to belong anymore...Except with my FNF girls... And I don't think any of them live around here...So where do I go from here???