Cœur fidèle

Cœur fidèle ........

This is one of my favorite phrases..."a faithful heart."  I've always had a faithful heart, despite everything bad that I seem to attract...I've always kept a faithful heart...Until... our failed IVF..I had a faithful heart....But lately, it has taken a toll on my mind and my body that some of my faith has slipped away..it died when my sweet little embryo's died..and I'm terrified that I won't ever get it back..I mean, doesn't everyone go through trials and tribulations? Do those people regain their faithful hearts? and now that I know that it is time to start thinking about IVF again......It scares the hell out of me to go into something that huge, possibly life altering event without a completely faithful heart.  I'm scared to let myself think that this may work...because according to statistics, it should have worked the first time and it failed miserably...Perfect until the end...and I just can't let myself get so absorbed by the process, the statistics, the what if's....being so careful...I just can't put my life on the back burner for this anymore...I honestly feel this way, so why can't I stop thinking about it?  Why can't I stop thinking about being pregnant, feeling a baby grow in my womb, holding a child in my arms?  Why can't I just move on???