Thankful Thursday (A personal Blog)

Thankful Thursday

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I have been struggling here lately.  Struggling with church and being thankful and struggling with talking to God. I love my God, and am a firm believer in God and the church. Here lately, I have been struggling with my anger.  Not at God, just the situation that myself and my husband have been put in.  I know God does everything for a reason, and I guess that I am just angry that I haven't found that reason yet.  I am so very jealous of people that are able to have children.  Don't get me wrong, I love all of my friend's children and families, and am not necessarily jealous of them.  But when I see these teenage girls, who are just out of high school or have not even graduated yet, I get so angry. They aren't in a stable relationship most of the time and have no way of supporting their child on their own.  I have a stable relationship with a wonderful man who will make the world's most amazing father and who deserves this more than anything in the world. Yet, I can't even begin trying to get pregnant, because we got dealt a bad situation in life and that is just one of the unfortunate side effects.  So, after much soul searching, I've decided that I need to be thankful for so much that God has given me, and learn to pray and talk to God again.  This verse is my new inspiration:

"Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you..." - 1 Thessalonians 5:18

Things that I am Thankful for:

1. That I have an amazing family.  I was raised by two parents that worked to give my brother and I everything that we needed to survive.  I may not have had the best car or the most fashionable clothing, but what I did have was way more important..A mom that would knock out another human being to take up for her child and a dad that up until I got married and moved out, would come into my bedroom every morning at 3 am, kiss me on the forehead and say "Bye, Daddy loves you" before he left for work, and still to this day, calls me every morning before I go to work to tell me "Be careful today, daddy loves you."

2. Amazing friends.  I have had a lot of friends throughout my life.  Some have come and gone, some have briefly gone and come back, and some are new friends.  I know that God put them in my life to keep my head on straight.  First there is Brooke and Crista, who have been my friends so long that I can't remember life before them? We have gotten on each other's nerves so much over the years, laughed together, cried together..Survived breakup's, the loss of Crista's dad, the sickness of a spouse, a tour of duty in Iraq, the almost demise of a marriage, financial woes, and now infertility...and we are still the three best friends that anyone could ever imagine..the 3 amigos...best put in my favorite set of lyrics to describe "If we go down we go down together, best friends means best friends..."  I would give either of these two a kidney or half my heart if I had to. haha

As for new friends, I have reconnected with Whittney from high school and she keeps my head straight...Tells me like it is and what I need to do, and sometimes I just need to hear that.....and Kandice, who I am still getting to know, and is the first person in a very long time that likes a lot of the same things that I do....and who I admire because she believes in some of things that I do...I am anxious to see where these new friendships will go...

3. Things...Life is not about material things, but the reason I say "things" is because I am thankful that I have been blessed to have the things that I do have.  We are by no means rich, but we don't struggle to pay our bills.  I have a tiny little home but it's MINE..I don't have to depend on anyone to pay for it for me...I have a nice vehicle..I don't have to walk everywhere I go, and I have a job...This is a lot more than a lot of people have and I am just so thankful that I am able to go home to a warm house with a roof over my head and food in my kitchen to eat every day.

4.  I waited until last for this, because it is what I am most thankful for and have been blessed the most with...and that is my husband..Sometimes I want to break his arm...Literally he makes me so mad that I could scream until my eyes pop out...But I love him more than words could ever do justice.  He is my rock, my other half and I know that you aren't supposed to need another person to be a complete whole, but he makes me whole..I could not survive a day without him.  And I am thankful to God each and every day that my husband fought cancer and won the battle, because not everyone is so fortunate.  He is 100 percent healthy with very minimal side effects (aside from the infertility) from treatment, that it is truly amazing what God can do.  I know that God put us in each other's paths at the time he did for a reason, and I will forever be grateful for him. 

With that being said, my goal today is to sit down and have a talk with God... and to tell him just how thankful I am, even though I haven't been acting like it too much here lately.

Hope everyone has a wonderful day!

"A Psalm of David. The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters. He restores my soul. He leads me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; you anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. ... " - Psalm 23: 1-6

"And you will say in that day: “Give thanks to the Lord, call upon his name, make known his deeds among the peoples, proclaim that his name is exalted. “Sing praises to the Lord, for he has done gloriously; let this be made known in all the earth. " Isaiah 12:4-5